| WRITING WIDE, EXERCISES IN CREATIVE WRITING |
CORRALLING THE WILD STALLION
by Billie A Williams © 2007
Excerpted from and expanded
Writing Wide, Exercises in Creative Writing
ISBN 0-9710796-3-3
Filbert Publishing
CORRALLING THE WILD STALLION
Reining in the Wild Stallion of Your Writing
by Billie A Williams © 2007
"He understood--Walt Whitman who laid end to end words never seen in each other's company before outside of a
dictionary, and Herman Melville who split the atom of the traditional novel in the effort to make whaling a universal
metaphor."
David Lodge, English Novelist
Lazy Old Nags and Wimpy Verbs (commonly called weasel words)
An old nag of a horse does not get much appreciation. He or she is slow, plodding, and not capable of carry a full load.
Wimpy verbs such as felt, feel, thought, and think are like the plodding old nag. They cannot carry a vivid image.
Verbs must convey a very specific thought, emotion or action-that is what verbs do. To put it another way, Verbs should
be ACTION words. When you are looking for wimpy verbs, remove the verb modifier. As in this sentence below: (Was is
not a verb. It is a modifier/helper.)
Example: The deer WAS snorting. (Passive) reworked the sentence should read. The deer snorted. (Active)
It still gives the image/picture of what the deer looks and sounds like, but in the present tense, giving your story and
immediacy, a show instead of tell, with action instead of wimpy "was being, or doing".
Locoweed and Prepositions
If a horse gets into locoweed it does what the weed implies, it makes him crazy confused and disoriented. If left
unchecked he will drink water until he literally drowns himself.
Prepositions can make your writing confusing. They can stop the flow of the story you are trying to tell. The prepositions
are the "over, in, under," of; "over the hill," "in the house," "under the weather." Did you notice the double error? Not
only is the preposition "under" used but also the cliché that contained it. Usually, by omitting the preposition, the
sentence automatically gains strength. Thinking "out of the box," becomes creative thinking.
For instance, Jane went in the house.
Compared with: Jane entered the house through the front door.
This sentence gives us more information and shows us where Jane is. Jane is not a ghost who walks in the house, she
used the front door. No locoweed. No confusion.
Draft Horses and Adverbs
You will never plump up weak verbs by adding more weight with the overworked "ly" words. Some adverbs can enliven
your work. However, for your prose to be effective you must put it on an adverb diet and use them sparingly. Rather like
eating a piece of chocolate cake that hits the spot, or tastes deliciously satisfying. Would you really get any pleasure
out of eating a whole chocolate cake with chocolate frosting in one sitting? Okay, so initially, it may make you feel
pampered, but what about the over stuffed feeling, the feelings of guilt, the added pants size, would you really want to
eat a whole cake?
An over weight horse cannot do the work of a sinewy steed. As with your cake, one piece is better than excess with the
whole cake.
Try this example: She ate rapidly OR she gulped her food. He vacuumed his food.
The second and third sentences give you a picture of just how fast the person is eating. Where rapidly could mean
many things to different people, you understand gulp, you understand vacuumed. Those words paint a much more vivid
picture of our eater. A draft horse is big and meant for work. Your sentences should be big with clarity and sharp active
verbs.
Clichés are rather like an appaloosa horse
All those spots but only on his back half make him, excuse the pun, the butt end of a lot of jokes. As with cliché's which
are to be avoided because they give your writing an apologetic feel. It appears as though you were too lazy to look for a
precise or exact word to fit the definition or point you wanted to make. Like the appaloosa's spots, they are all over half
of him making him a spotted horse, but not really. To one person the appaloosa horse would be spotted, to another he
would be a mixed up breed of a horse.
We use clichés because they are so easy. They are the coward's way out. You need to use your creativity to come up
with a better way to say the same thing. Clichés became clichés because they conveyed their ideas or sentiments so
precisely. They became like commercial jingles, the first thing that pops into your head when you need to describe
something.
Your writing will stand out if you invent a new way of saying the same thing without dragging that overworked
lazy-man's-way-out clichés into your prose. Let the mother wonder if that is appaloosa foal, a paint, or pinto meandering
away from her.
Redundancy-twins born in the horse world are rare
In your prose, redundancies should never occur. Repeating information should tell you that you have not given your
reader an accurate and true description the first time. If you have to repeat a description, an incident's explanation, or
dialog, even if you use a different set of words, it still means you did not do the job the first time. Its time to rework your
story so that it reflects what you really meant to say.
Rewording the same message, repeating essentially what you've already said, insults your reader's intelligence.
Repeated information is not the only way that redundancies occur. Sometimes we use combinations of words that are
redundant. These words add weight but not meaning to your work. Think of the use of sit down or stand up. You know
that if you sit, you are placing your bottom on a chair or something similar, at the very least you are going down to do it.
You cannot sit standing. Which brings us to stand up? Can you stand down? I guess you could stand down wind, but
that is a whole other idea. Some redundancies are laughable in their quirkiness. Comedians use these to their
advantage. However, you should not if you want your reader to take you seriously. Read your prose to look for these
twin horses before someone spots them and no longer takes your prose earnestly.
All spotted horses are not Pintos, but all Pintos are spotted.
A spotted horse looks like he was caught in a paint fight.
Similes and metaphors can be creative if they enhance the imagery of your story. A simile compares two unlike things.
Similes easily become clichés.
A metaphor claims one thing IS something else. Metaphors are less likely to be abused because they are more direct. A
clumsy or inappropriate metaphor can weaken or destroy your story.
Simile: A Pinto horse looks like a beagle dog with his splotches of color.
Metaphor: A pinto horse IS the beagle of the horse family.
The writer must always be sure that the tone of the simile or metaphor matches the type of story he is telling. A
humorous comparison in the form of a simile or metaphor would have an ill effect in a horror/suspense/thriller plot.
Unless, your intent is deliberate with the intention of lifting the mood of the terror or tension you have created for your
reader, you would not insert a humorous simile or metaphor. That usually is not your intention.
Then too always be alert for the mixed metaphor or simile. One type of reference in juxtaposition with another causes a
mixed metaphor. Here is what I mean: In Woe is I, Patricia T. O'Conner uses the phrase "Volley of abuse," as a hail of
bullets raining down on someone. The same phrase used thusly "the volley of abuse was the straw that broke the
camel's back," is a mixed metaphor. We have volley, meaning fusillade of bullets and straw, there is no similarity there.
The competing images drown each other out, she says. She illustrates with several more: "The silver lining at the end of
the tunnel, or don't count your chickens until the cows come home." Good for a laugh, but they certainly will not do your
story any good. It is usually more desirable for you to find a more creative or original way to say something than to use
an "old horse that has been ridden hard and put away wet." How often have you seen or heard that phrase used?
Cliché you say? Pasha!
When you begin to memorize or at least engrain the six ugly nags in your memory bank you will see them "cropping up"
everywhere. It is up to you to cut them ruthlessly from the he herd of your story corral in order that you use only the
most virile steeds, which will result in writing tight, eclectic prose.
EXERCISES:
1. Take a story you have been working on and ruthlessly pare out any wimpy verbs. (I have included a list to help you at
the end of this lesson) Take them all out. Then go back through and make your story stronger. Change the verb to a
stronger verb form whenever you can. Use a dictionary of synonyms or thesaurus to find better choices if you need to.
At the same time, check for adverbs that may be adding word count but not meaning to your story. Your editor will
thank you.
2. Look through one of your stories for similes. Can you restate the same sentence using stronger, original words?
Weed out redundancies while you look for similes.
| CHARACTERS IN SEARCH OF AN AUTHOR |
Creating Characters That Live and Breathe and Your Readers Love
"We cannot judge either of the feelings or of the character of men with perfect accuracy, from their actions or their
appearance in public; it is from their careless conversation, their half-finished sentences, that we may hope with the
greatest probability of success to discover their real character."
Maria Edgeworth
CHARACTERS IN SEARCH OF AN AUTHOR
(Personaggi in Cerca d'autore)
Billie A Williams
ISBN 1-978-193279-41-51 (print)
Introduction
"Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds; and until we know what has been or will be the peculiar
combination of outward with inward facts, which constitute a man's critical actions, it will be better not to think ourselves
wise about his character."
George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans)
Why should I waste my time with all these character building forms, exercises and readings? Why can't I just dive in and
write my story using whatever people I choose naming them as I go along. You can, but the list of reasons why you
shouldn't is almost as long as the table of methods, ways and means for building a character profile.
The short answer is consistency, believability, reliability, and keeping details straight not to mention the extra weight the
right name for your character can add to the meaning of your story. Let's look at each of these reasons more closely.
Consistency: The uniqueness of this character, her personality or type, her physical description, where she lives, where
she works, who are her friends and family right down to the kind of car she drives or doesn't drive and the reasons she
doesn't. Without a profile, without some of the other devices for keeping your character notes straight, you may trip
yourself up. Many a time I have been writing up a storm only to trip over questions like -What color were her eyes--How
can she flip her pony tail if on page ten I gave her a short spiked hair do? A quick check of the character charts profile
gave me my answer easily, sure enough, saved myself from having to re-read to find the character trait that could have
messed up my chances for publication because of inconsistencies. There are other ways of a story being inconsistent
but that of character is the most glaring.
Believability: Would this character say, do, react or behave in this manner as s/he's been developed so far? If you've
done the profile, using zodiac signs and other character trait devices that you can see at a glance you are less likely to
have your person do something that would be totally out of character for him or her.
Reliability: Again, you as an author can't force a character who is terrified of snakes into a room full of snakes to pick up
a quarter someone dropped in that room. That is an extremely ridiculous example, but you get the drift. Your characters
are not checkers or chess pieces, you have breathed life into them - they are real. They will only behave in a certain
way given the personality you have developed for them - or at least, should have developed for them. By developing
fully, well-rounded characters you give your reader a reason to love, hate, empathize with him or her. Minimally, you
should create some emotional reaction between character and reader. A reader will snap a book shut which has no
emotional bond or connection to pull her into the story. Think of your character building as CPR for your character's life.
Keeping the details straight when you have two or more characters in your novel, with similar goals, or even opposite
goals can be a challenge. Charting background information on them i.e, from the towns they live in complete with
streets, stores, restaurants, places they frequent, or even go to once or twice during the course of the novel-your
details need to be consistent throughout the story. Your time line of story history can easily become polluted by the time
you trek across two hundred pages or more. You can take the hassle out of keeping these things straight if you jot them
down as you go. You need to know who was privy to what information or you could easily have your sleuth solve a crime
with clues he never had-your reader's will remember that faux pas. Keep tabs on those things as they appear by
penciling them in on your original profile sheet - in different colored inks - one for character, one for place names, one
for time-line or other information, helps in finding what you seek. I usually print out a character sheet for each significant
character in my novel and put them in a protective sleeve so I can keep them near while I'm writing without chance they
will become tattered. Any new information is jotted in as I go, keeping it handy if I need it again saves a bunch of back
tracking. Slight of hand doesn't work with your reader. The old formula - "if you bring a gun out in chapter one - it better
have shot someone before the end of the story," or your reader will lose faith in you. The same is true of the opposite. If
the clue never showed up, then it can't be used to solve the crime or conclude the book no matter what genre it is.
Readers like surprises, twists in your story but not things appearing out of the blue to answer the story question at the
very end.
If your character has green eyes in scene one, she better not have brown, or blue, or hazel anywhere else in the book
unless it's deliberately done with colored contact lenses as a planned disguise.
If your character hoists a magnum to shoot someone, she better know how to use it and have both the physical and the
emotional strength, to use it. Deliberately shooting someone takes a certain chutzpah. Not every personality type would
be able to kill someone any more than a first time deer hunter can necessarily shoot the first deer she encounters. I
would think a human life would weigh much more heavily on a normal person's conscience than an animal, thus the
emotional fortitude of someone that would shoot someone must be shown before hand. Somewhere early in your story
show your character using a lesser strength that your reader can later transfer to, or recall, even subconsciously that
verifies your characters ability to do this. Your character will ring true later when this skill or trait is needed. Do this even
if you have to back track to add the proof that your heroine would and could act in such a manner. Your reader will
reward you for it by becoming a stanch fan tied to your stories.
Trust me when I say, if you spend the time to develop your character fully before you begin your novel, you will have
solved ninety percent of your problems before you start. The writing will be that much easier for it. Even your character's
name, as you will see, can have a profound impact on your story.
In Careers for Your Characters, Raymond Obstfeld and Franz Neumann say, "To create realistic, well-developed
characters, you have to write with authority. Careers--enables you to describe their professional lives with the accuracy
and details of an insider. It covers such things as professional jargon and buzz words, Educational requirements,
salaries, benefits, perks, and expenses. Each profession's average daily schedule is shown and how job reality differs
from public perception of the job. Obstfeld and Neumann list publications and web sites for further research into your
chosen profession.
Patricia Cornwell's novels use the career of forensic pathologist. Cornwell is intimately familiar with the profession and it
shows in her work. Others such as James Patterson, Dean Koontz, and John Grisham rely heavily on careers that they
were involved in before they became writers. I'm not saying you have to be in any one type of profession to write about it
with authority; you only need to research thoroughly to add authenticity to your work. It's not necessarily write what you
know; more specifically write what you wish to know. Back it up with solid research and you will know it intimately. You
can transfer that knowledge to your characters life and actions making them credible and reliable people.
Creating Character Emotions, by Ann Hood gives the author an in depth look at showing instead of telling character
actions and reactions. "Sweaty palms, butterflies in the stomach. Pacing back and forth, show your character being
nervous," she says using "--fresh images, words and gestures to evoke feelings in your fiction," will set you apart from
the novice. How do you show hate-love-fear-grief-guilt-hope-jealousy and other major emotions Hood provides some
insight and answers of how you should put feelings into words?
Take a quick check in your own vault of experiences. Think back to a time when you felt any of these emotions. Record
what your physical manifestation of the emotion was at the time. This will give you a very accurate means for showing
instead of telling. What did you do? What were you feeling how did those feelings translate to physical. In other words,
what were the physical expressions of your emotional state? Did your mouth become dry? Did you have an acrid taste in
your mouth, a weakness perhaps that threatened to buckle your knees because you were so angry? Were you ever so
scared your chest felt squeezed in a giant vice? How does happy feel? What does it taste like? Use all your senses to
show in stead of telling your reader what it is you wish to convey.
"Fiction's traditional virtues-depth, empathy, intimacy --good writing must always be vivid, particular and surprising," says
Rand Richards Cooper.
"To render character emotions is probably the most important information you can use as a fiction writer," Hood says.
Emotions affect every other element of fiction from dialogue and action to character development. Emotions lead us to
more believable plot twists and turns, enhance dramatic tension, help illustrate themes and in short, they inform every
aspect of our fiction.
When a reader asks you "How did you know?" When you captured the essence of the emotion for them so exactly in
one of your characters because you rendered the emotion so well, so effectively and honestly that your reader believed
you had read their mind, or been where they had been, you can feel you have told the truth through your character,
made him/her believable and worth the reader's time and caring.
The Writer's Path by Todd Walton and Mindy Toomay will lead you through exercises in exploring fiction building that
are worth your time. "Stories result from the action of characters. Put an interesting character in a dynamic situation,
and you have the makings of a good story," says Walton and Toomay. The raw material for your stories comes from
your characters personal histories. Developing their back-story will show you their motivation and agenda if you pay
attention as we have said before.
By providing you with the bibliography, the forms I use when I begin a new novel, and information I've learned along the
way I hope you will be able to skip the learning curve and jump into developing characters as large as life and novels
that speak those truths that need to be told, if only to entertain and enlighten and hold your reader in your story's
embrace.
Part I Exercise
1. Consistency and believability how do you develop this? One way is to give your character a career. What career
would you choose? My character in Small Town Secrets, Chaneeta Morgan, is a cook who owns a café, is a volunteer
firefighter and is the Town Chairwoman of her small town.
2. Emotions: Your own will tell you volumes and help you to shape your characters into believable people. How does
your system react to Joy? What physical manifestations say joy or whatever emotion you want your character to display?
3. Think of three actions for your character for escaping a dangerous condition. Write at least one solution each
for the following.
1. His/her car is stalled in a zone posted as a flash flood area; it's raining cats & dogs.
2. Avoiding a person who is out to get him/her and either beat her up/give him a summons to appear in court or
steal his Green Bay Packer Jacket.
3. Getting out of a burning building when s/he can't reach the door and the windows are way at the top of the walls
of a warehouse.
"We cannot judge either of the feelings or of the character of men with perfect accuracy, from their actions or their
appearance in public; it is from their careless conversation, their half-finished sentences, that we may hope with the
greatest probability of success to discover their real character."
Maria Edgeworth
CHARACTERS IN SEARCH OF AN AUTHOR
(Personaggi in Cerca d'autore)
Billie A Williams
ISBN 1-978-193279-41-51 (print)
Introduction
"Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds; and until we know what has been or will be the peculiar
combination of outward with inward facts, which constitute a man's critical actions, it will be better not to think ourselves
wise about his character."
George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans)
Why should I waste my time with all these character building forms, exercises and readings? Why can't I just dive in and
write my story using whatever people I choose naming them as I go along. You can, but the list of reasons why you
shouldn't is almost as long as the table of methods, ways and means for building a character profile.
The short answer is consistency, believability, reliability, and keeping details straight not to mention the extra weight the
right name for your character can add to the meaning of your story. Let's look at each of these reasons more closely.
Consistency: The uniqueness of this character, her personality or type, her physical description, where she lives, where
she works, who are her friends and family right down to the kind of car she drives or doesn't drive and the reasons she
doesn't. Without a profile, without some of the other devices for keeping your character notes straight, you may trip
yourself up. Many a time I have been writing up a storm only to trip over questions like -What color were her eyes--How
can she flip her pony tail if on page ten I gave her a short spiked hair do? A quick check of the character charts profile
gave me my answer easily, sure enough, saved myself from having to re-read to find the character trait that could have
messed up my chances for publication because of inconsistencies. There are other ways of a story being inconsistent
but that of character is the most glaring.
Believability: Would this character say, do, react or behave in this manner as s/he's been developed so far? If you've
done the profile, using zodiac signs and other character trait devices that you can see at a glance you are less likely to
have your person do something that would be totally out of character for him or her.
Reliability: Again, you as an author can't force a character who is terrified of snakes into a room full of snakes to pick up
a quarter someone dropped in that room. That is an extremely ridiculous example, but you get the drift. Your characters
are not checkers or chess pieces, you have breathed life into them - they are real. They will only behave in a certain
way given the personality you have developed for them - or at least, should have developed for them. By developing
fully, well-rounded characters you give your reader a reason to love, hate, empathize with him or her. Minimally, you
should create some emotional reaction between character and reader. A reader will snap a book shut which has no
emotional bond or connection to pull her into the story. Think of your character building as CPR for your character's life.
Keeping the details straight when you have two or more characters in your novel, with similar goals, or even opposite
goals can be a challenge. Charting background information on them i.e, from the towns they live in complete with
streets, stores, restaurants, places they frequent, or even go to once or twice during the course of the novel-your
details need to be consistent throughout the story. Your time line of story history can easily become polluted by the time
you trek across two hundred pages or more. You can take the hassle out of keeping these things straight if you jot them
down as you go. You need to know who was privy to what information or you could easily have your sleuth solve a crime
with clues he never had-your reader's will remember that faux pas. Keep tabs on those things as they appear by
penciling them in on your original profile sheet - in different colored inks - one for character, one for place names, one
for time-line or other information, helps in finding what you seek. I usually print out a character sheet for each significant
character in my novel and put them in a protective sleeve so I can keep them near while I'm writing without chance they
will become tattered. Any new information is jotted in as I go, keeping it handy if I need it again saves a bunch of back
tracking. Slight of hand doesn't work with your reader. The old formula - "if you bring a gun out in chapter one - it better
have shot someone before the end of the story," or your reader will lose faith in you. The same is true of the opposite. If
the clue never showed up, then it can't be used to solve the crime or conclude the book no matter what genre it is.
Readers like surprises, twists in your story but not things appearing out of the blue to answer the story question at the
very end.
If your character has green eyes in scene one, she better not have brown, or blue, or hazel anywhere else in the book
unless it's deliberately done with colored contact lenses as a planned disguise.
If your character hoists a magnum to shoot someone, she better know how to use it and have both the physical and the
emotional strength, to use it. Deliberately shooting someone takes a certain chutzpah. Not every personality type would
be able to kill someone any more than a first time deer hunter can necessarily shoot the first deer she encounters. I
would think a human life would weigh much more heavily on a normal person's conscience than an animal, thus the
emotional fortitude of someone that would shoot someone must be shown before hand. Somewhere early in your story
show your character using a lesser strength that your reader can later transfer to, or recall, even subconsciously that
verifies your characters ability to do this. Your character will ring true later when this skill or trait is needed. Do this even
if you have to back track to add the proof that your heroine would and could act in such a manner. Your reader will
reward you for it by becoming a stanch fan tied to your stories.
Trust me when I say, if you spend the time to develop your character fully before you begin your novel, you will have
solved ninety percent of your problems before you start. The writing will be that much easier for it. Even your character's
name, as you will see, can have a profound impact on your story.
In Careers for Your Characters, Raymond Obstfeld and Franz Neumann say, "To create realistic, well-developed
characters, you have to write with authority. Careers--enables you to describe their professional lives with the accuracy
and details of an insider. It covers such things as professional jargon and buzz words, Educational requirements,
salaries, benefits, perks, and expenses. Each profession's average daily schedule is shown and how job reality differs
from public perception of the job. Obstfeld and Neumann list publications and web sites for further research into your
chosen profession.
Patricia Cornwell's novels use the career of forensic pathologist. Cornwell is intimately familiar with the profession and it
shows in her work. Others such as James Patterson, Dean Koontz, and John Grisham rely heavily on careers that they
were involved in before they became writers. I'm not saying you have to be in any one type of profession to write about it
with authority; you only need to research thoroughly to add authenticity to your work. It's not necessarily write what you
know; more specifically write what you wish to know. Back it up with solid research and you will know it intimately. You
can transfer that knowledge to your characters life and actions making them credible and reliable people.
Creating Character Emotions, by Ann Hood gives the author an in depth look at showing instead of telling character
actions and reactions. "Sweaty palms, butterflies in the stomach. Pacing back and forth, show your character being
nervous," she says using "--fresh images, words and gestures to evoke feelings in your fiction," will set you apart from
the novice. How do you show hate-love-fear-grief-guilt-hope-jealousy and other major emotions Hood provides some
insight and answers of how you should put feelings into words?
Take a quick check in your own vault of experiences. Think back to a time when you felt any of these emotions. Record
what your physical manifestation of the emotion was at the time. This will give you a very accurate means for showing
instead of telling. What did you do? What were you feeling how did those feelings translate to physical. In other words,
what were the physical expressions of your emotional state? Did your mouth become dry? Did you have an acrid taste in
your mouth, a weakness perhaps that threatened to buckle your knees because you were so angry? Were you ever so
scared your chest felt squeezed in a giant vice? How does happy feel? What does it taste like? Use all your senses to
show in stead of telling your reader what it is you wish to convey.
"Fiction's traditional virtues-depth, empathy, intimacy --good writing must always be vivid, particular and surprising," says
Rand Richards Cooper.
"To render character emotions is probably the most important information you can use as a fiction writer," Hood says.
Emotions affect every other element of fiction from dialogue and action to character development. Emotions lead us to
more believable plot twists and turns, enhance dramatic tension, help illustrate themes and in short, they inform every
aspect of our fiction.
When a reader asks you "How did you know?" When you captured the essence of the emotion for them so exactly in
one of your characters because you rendered the emotion so well, so effectively and honestly that your reader believed
you had read their mind, or been where they had been, you can feel you have told the truth through your character,
made him/her believable and worth the reader's time and caring.
The Writer's Path by Todd Walton and Mindy Toomay will lead you through exercises in exploring fiction building that
are worth your time. "Stories result from the action of characters. Put an interesting character in a dynamic situation,
and you have the makings of a good story," says Walton and Toomay. The raw material for your stories comes from
your characters personal histories. Developing their back-story will show you their motivation and agenda if you pay
attention as we have said before.
By providing you with the bibliography, the forms I use when I begin a new novel, and information I've learned along the
way I hope you will be able to skip the learning curve and jump into developing characters as large as life and novels
that speak those truths that need to be told, if only to entertain and enlighten and hold your reader in your story's
embrace.
Part I Exercise
1. Consistency and believability how do you develop this? One way is to give your character a career. What career
would you choose? My character in Small Town Secrets, Chaneeta Morgan, is a cook who owns a café, is a volunteer
firefighter and is the Town Chairwoman of her small town.
2. Emotions: Your own will tell you volumes and help you to shape your characters into believable people. How does
your system react to Joy? What physical manifestations say joy or whatever emotion you want your character to display?
3. Think of three actions for your character for escaping a dangerous condition. Write at least one solution each
for the following.
1. His/her car is stalled in a zone posted as a flash flood area; it's raining cats & dogs.
2. Avoiding a person who is out to get him/her and either beat her up/give him a summons to appear in court or
steal his Green Bay Packer Jacket.
3. Getting out of a burning building when s/he can't reach the door and the windows are way at the top of the walls
of a warehouse.
| SPICE UP YOUR WRITING, Write to Entice |
Spice Up Your Writing Lesson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ISBN 978-1-932794-16-8 (PRINT)
CHAPTER ONE
BEE BALM - THE HOOK, BEAUTY AND ATTRACTION
Bee Balm:
Its fragrance attracts bees. Its Beauty attracts the eye and the butterfly. Its smell intoxicates, hooks the gardener, visitor,
casual stranger to come closer, linger a while.
That is what, ideally, your first sentence, but for sure, your first paragraph should do to your reader. It should attract
your reader like bees to bee balm, give them the nectar they seek.. Bees suck nectar with their long tubular tongue,
Butterflies use their feet to taste-Think of your reader as a voracious cross between butterfly and bee. Give them
something to suck on, to immerse themselves in.
Go to your bookshelf and pull a few favorite books from it. Or go to the library and pull a few good books or classics to
study the openings. What brings you inside? What calls to your insatiable sweet tooth? What nectar of the gods makes
you want to wade in with both feet?
EXAMPLES:
I'm tempted to use Stephen King as an example here because he is so good; but he's been used so much let's look to
new lights to illuminate the bee balm of hook.
Jude Deveraux The Mulberry Tree
"He needed me." What a great first line. Is it a statement, an excuse, a plea-what is it the reader begs. "When ever
anyone-usually a reporter-asked me how I coped with a man like Jimmie, I smiled and said nothing." But she just said,
he needed her, so why-what secret is she holding back, the reader wants to know and why would a reporter ask in the
first place. What was this Jimmie-tyrant or slave owner or-one wonders. Ms. Deveraux has hooked her reader.
James Patterson, Honeymoon
Begins with a prologue-don't skip it or introductions when they are in a book as they lay the ground work for what's to
follow.
"Things aren't always as they appear. One minute, I'm totally fine. The next, I'm hunched over and clutching my stomach
in sheer agony. What the hell is happening to me?"
He goes on to describe the intense and horrific feel of dying via - what? Poison, gunshot, knife wound? Is he dreaming,
once again the Bee Balm pulls the ever searching butterfly (you may substitute reader) in for a look see at what's
unfolding.
Let's try Michael Crichton, State of Fear.
"In the darkness, he touched her arm and said, 'Stay here." She did not move, just waited. The smell of salt water was
strong. She heard the faint gurgle of water.
Then the lights came on, reflecting off the surface of a large open tank, perhaps fifty meters long and twenty meters
wide. It might have been an indoor swimming pool, except for all the electronic equipment that surrounded it.
And the very strange device at the far end of the pool."
Right away the reader wants to know what are these people doing? What is this swimming pool that isn't? Water,
electronic equipment, my hackles bristle-water and equipment sounds like experiment-are these people scientists
thieves, spies involved in espionage-the title State of Fear flashes across my mind and I have to read further.
Michael Connelly, The Harry Bosch Novels - Trunk Music
Has an interesting beginning. One that slowly pulls the reader in but takes a leisurely written first page, as we ride along
with Harry Bosch to the scene of a crime in LA. But he pulls us in because first, we want to know about the music he
hears-"It came to him in fragments of strings and errant horn sequences, echoing off the brown summer-dried hills and
blurred by the white noise of traffic carrying up from the Hollywood Freeway. Nothing he could identify, all he knew was
the he was heading toward its source." He goes on to describe the scene he approaches with squad cars, detective
cars, yellow crime scene tape "used by the miles in LA," and a uniformed giant with a Billy club (baton) with the black
acrylic paint scratched away to reveal the aluminum beneath. "Street fighters wore their battle-scarred sticks proudly, as
a sign, a not so subtle warning. This cop was a head banger." Then he gives the cop the name "Powers". The reader
needs to know -what is it that happened here calling for all the attention of the police and detectives? Is this cop Powers
part of the problem or the solution? What is the music Harry Bosch hears?
Now lets take a look at one or two of the classics, what is it that makes them so enduring-what, how do they hook the
reader?
Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott
"Christmas won't be Christmas with out any presents," grumbled Jo, lying on the rug.
The first sentence is a tug at your heart strings, whether woman or child, no presents at Christmas-unthinkable you
need to know more.
Gone With The Wind, Margaret Mitchell
We begin with a picture of our heroine, Scarlett O'Hara. Her beauty. We want to see her aristocratic life, but it's the
second paragraph that grabs the reader.
"-But for all the modesty of her spreading skirts, the demureness of hair netted smoothly into a chignon and the
quietness of small white hands folded in her lap, her true self was poorly concealed. The green eyes in the carefully
sweet face were turbulent, willful, lusty with life, distinctly at variance with her decorous demeanor. Her manners had
been imposed upon her by her mother's gentle admonitions and the sterner discipline of her nanny; her eyes were her
own."
Then we begin to wonder what secrets those eyes will reveal as we watch from our perch on the tip of Margaret
Mitchell's pen.
I can't leave this topic without looking at my three favorite authors.
Patricia Cornwell, Trace
"Yellow Bulldozers hack earth and stone in an old city block, that has seen more death than most modern wars, and Kay
Scarpetta slows her rental SUV almost to a stop. Shaken by the destruction ahead, savaging her past.
"Someone should have told me," she says."
This beginning is loaded with questions. Between the Yellow Bulldozers, earth and stone, we are tempted to think
cemetery because we see the words more death than modern war-where else? But we're thrown by "the old city block,"
and why would or should someone have told her-Kay Scarpetta. As you continue you are plunged deeper into
questions, plot, reasons and the definitions of the main character. "Where you used to work when you were young and
full of hopes and dreams and believed in love, well-" We need to know-used to work? No longer young? Why come
back, and more questions crowd in and beg to be answered.
Mary Higgins Clark, My Gal Sunday; A Crime of Passion
"Beware the fury of a patient man," Henry Parker Britland IV observed sadly as he studied the picture of his former
secretary of state. He had just learned that his close friend and political ally had been indicted for the murder of his
lover, Arabella Young."
As we continue we get seeds of Henry Britland's life at the moment. The questions from his pampered wife. We know
where we are and many circumstances of the person accused of the murder and more. We are invited to be in privy to
the lives of aristocratic indulgence.
Questions-oh yes, tons of questions.
Do you see a pattern here? When an author peaks your curiosity-when questions jump out in the mind of the
reader-the need to know grabs us on the author's hook and we are tethered for the journey.
Everything you read tries to snag you away from the myriad of other distractions with which you may be inundated.
Children's stories, if they're good are no exception, in fact they are a greater challenge for the writer - the good part is
the naturally inquisitive nature of the young.
Frances Hodgson Burnett, has a power, a magnificent grace with her words that draws the reader. The Little Princess
tugs you in and bets you to lose yourself in the adventures of a delightful little girl, but it all began earlier with The
Secret Garden. "When Mary Lennox was sent to Misselthwaite Manor to live with her uncle everybody said she was the
most disagreeable looking child ever seen"
Why, we want to know and how does one look disagreeable? Hodgson Burnett, continues and supplies those answers,
but then the reader wants to know why a child so young could, would be sent away and why she would be allowed to get
away with being such a disagreeable child - and why then was she sent to her uncle in the first place.
You Try: Now let's try one on our own.
"Life offers you a thousand choices and this is what you choose," Alexa said throwing her hands in the air in defeat.
(This is our first sentence for each - what follows in each category will be the second, and subsequent sentences)
--Does that pull you in? What questions do you want answered right away?
If we continue on we could turn this in to:
A. Comedy,
B. Mystery,
C. Romance,
or any genre you want to write.
Let's try:
A. (A Comedy) She bent down and retrieved the chicken suit. Slipping first one foot then the other into the
yellow and white costume, marabou feathers tickled her nose and breathed into her mouth with every breath.
"Hey, you wanted to cater children's parties, so you get to be the chicken," Cathe said giggling at Alexa's struggle with
the feathers and wings that wouldn't move like arms are supposed to.
"But I wasn't planning to be a billboard sign standing on the corner of Edenton's busiest street handing out flyers to
motorists who are paused at the stoplight. I feel like a nut."
Cathe cocked her head and raised an eyebrow, "and-" she said with a shrug.
(A Mystery)
B. Alexa bent over the body to feel for a pulse. The yellow chicken suit was smudged with mud, the feathers
matted with the dark red stain around the knife standing perpendicular to Garrison's chest. "I told you it was too
dangerous," she whispered. Her badge glinted in the sun that was swiftly sliding down the skyline. She reached for the
radio on her shoulder. "Officer down, in the alley at Wells and Gossamer," she spoke her voice uneven, detached from
the personal angst she was feeling.
C. (A Romance)
Alexa watched as Jerard drove his bucket of rusting Chevy into the driveway of the parking lot beside the building. He
had been her high school sweetheart before they went their separate ways. She to Harvard law school and he went to
the University of Minnesota on a football scholarship. They had stayed in touch all those years, there was no romance
left, and now he needed her. Alexa slid her hand across the leather embossed name plate on her desk. Becoming a full
partner in the prestigious law firm of Bacon, Taylor and Mercedes had been a hard won feather in her cap. Some
football player, turned rock singer just didn't fit in her plans at the moment. The intercom buzzed, "Jerard Klew here to
see you," the secretary's voice laced with derision and rudeness announced.
Jerard sauntered in and plopped the chicken suit on her desk. "Here it is, I want to sue the jerk," he said slamming his
body into the chair across from her desk sprawling his long legs wide, his arms bent and hung on the back of the chair.
Arrogant, crossed her mind as a description of his behavior as she felt the electricity of his gaze undoing her composure
as he always did.
Questions-Oh I'm sure you could come up with better beginnings than I've offered you. Don't stop with mine - do some of
your own.
Exercise
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
EXERCISES:
1. Pull five of your favorite books from you shelves or the local libraries shelves. Sit down and copy word for word,
the hook- the sentence, first paragraph or what ever you think provides the hook. Until you are teeming with questions
to ask the author - ask yourself what is it that is pulling you in to read more of this particular book?
2. Do this with at least five books to get the feel for it.
3. Then write your questions and read to see if they are answered and how long before the author answers
them-how did the author give them up. Were they all at once or sprinkled nearly through the whole book?
4. Now write five of your own hooks.
5. Then use one of them to write the first paragraph or page of a story, if you feel so inclined continue until you run
out of words to apply to that particular hook and then start again with the next.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ISBN 978-1-932794-16-8 (PRINT)
CHAPTER ONE
BEE BALM - THE HOOK, BEAUTY AND ATTRACTION
Bee Balm:
Its fragrance attracts bees. Its Beauty attracts the eye and the butterfly. Its smell intoxicates, hooks the gardener, visitor,
casual stranger to come closer, linger a while.
That is what, ideally, your first sentence, but for sure, your first paragraph should do to your reader. It should attract
your reader like bees to bee balm, give them the nectar they seek.. Bees suck nectar with their long tubular tongue,
Butterflies use their feet to taste-Think of your reader as a voracious cross between butterfly and bee. Give them
something to suck on, to immerse themselves in.
Go to your bookshelf and pull a few favorite books from it. Or go to the library and pull a few good books or classics to
study the openings. What brings you inside? What calls to your insatiable sweet tooth? What nectar of the gods makes
you want to wade in with both feet?
EXAMPLES:
I'm tempted to use Stephen King as an example here because he is so good; but he's been used so much let's look to
new lights to illuminate the bee balm of hook.
Jude Deveraux The Mulberry Tree
"He needed me." What a great first line. Is it a statement, an excuse, a plea-what is it the reader begs. "When ever
anyone-usually a reporter-asked me how I coped with a man like Jimmie, I smiled and said nothing." But she just said,
he needed her, so why-what secret is she holding back, the reader wants to know and why would a reporter ask in the
first place. What was this Jimmie-tyrant or slave owner or-one wonders. Ms. Deveraux has hooked her reader.
James Patterson, Honeymoon
Begins with a prologue-don't skip it or introductions when they are in a book as they lay the ground work for what's to
follow.
"Things aren't always as they appear. One minute, I'm totally fine. The next, I'm hunched over and clutching my stomach
in sheer agony. What the hell is happening to me?"
He goes on to describe the intense and horrific feel of dying via - what? Poison, gunshot, knife wound? Is he dreaming,
once again the Bee Balm pulls the ever searching butterfly (you may substitute reader) in for a look see at what's
unfolding.
Let's try Michael Crichton, State of Fear.
"In the darkness, he touched her arm and said, 'Stay here." She did not move, just waited. The smell of salt water was
strong. She heard the faint gurgle of water.
Then the lights came on, reflecting off the surface of a large open tank, perhaps fifty meters long and twenty meters
wide. It might have been an indoor swimming pool, except for all the electronic equipment that surrounded it.
And the very strange device at the far end of the pool."
Right away the reader wants to know what are these people doing? What is this swimming pool that isn't? Water,
electronic equipment, my hackles bristle-water and equipment sounds like experiment-are these people scientists
thieves, spies involved in espionage-the title State of Fear flashes across my mind and I have to read further.
Michael Connelly, The Harry Bosch Novels - Trunk Music
Has an interesting beginning. One that slowly pulls the reader in but takes a leisurely written first page, as we ride along
with Harry Bosch to the scene of a crime in LA. But he pulls us in because first, we want to know about the music he
hears-"It came to him in fragments of strings and errant horn sequences, echoing off the brown summer-dried hills and
blurred by the white noise of traffic carrying up from the Hollywood Freeway. Nothing he could identify, all he knew was
the he was heading toward its source." He goes on to describe the scene he approaches with squad cars, detective
cars, yellow crime scene tape "used by the miles in LA," and a uniformed giant with a Billy club (baton) with the black
acrylic paint scratched away to reveal the aluminum beneath. "Street fighters wore their battle-scarred sticks proudly, as
a sign, a not so subtle warning. This cop was a head banger." Then he gives the cop the name "Powers". The reader
needs to know -what is it that happened here calling for all the attention of the police and detectives? Is this cop Powers
part of the problem or the solution? What is the music Harry Bosch hears?
Now lets take a look at one or two of the classics, what is it that makes them so enduring-what, how do they hook the
reader?
Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott
"Christmas won't be Christmas with out any presents," grumbled Jo, lying on the rug.
The first sentence is a tug at your heart strings, whether woman or child, no presents at Christmas-unthinkable you
need to know more.
Gone With The Wind, Margaret Mitchell
We begin with a picture of our heroine, Scarlett O'Hara. Her beauty. We want to see her aristocratic life, but it's the
second paragraph that grabs the reader.
"-But for all the modesty of her spreading skirts, the demureness of hair netted smoothly into a chignon and the
quietness of small white hands folded in her lap, her true self was poorly concealed. The green eyes in the carefully
sweet face were turbulent, willful, lusty with life, distinctly at variance with her decorous demeanor. Her manners had
been imposed upon her by her mother's gentle admonitions and the sterner discipline of her nanny; her eyes were her
own."
Then we begin to wonder what secrets those eyes will reveal as we watch from our perch on the tip of Margaret
Mitchell's pen.
I can't leave this topic without looking at my three favorite authors.
Patricia Cornwell, Trace
"Yellow Bulldozers hack earth and stone in an old city block, that has seen more death than most modern wars, and Kay
Scarpetta slows her rental SUV almost to a stop. Shaken by the destruction ahead, savaging her past.
"Someone should have told me," she says."
This beginning is loaded with questions. Between the Yellow Bulldozers, earth and stone, we are tempted to think
cemetery because we see the words more death than modern war-where else? But we're thrown by "the old city block,"
and why would or should someone have told her-Kay Scarpetta. As you continue you are plunged deeper into
questions, plot, reasons and the definitions of the main character. "Where you used to work when you were young and
full of hopes and dreams and believed in love, well-" We need to know-used to work? No longer young? Why come
back, and more questions crowd in and beg to be answered.
Mary Higgins Clark, My Gal Sunday; A Crime of Passion
"Beware the fury of a patient man," Henry Parker Britland IV observed sadly as he studied the picture of his former
secretary of state. He had just learned that his close friend and political ally had been indicted for the murder of his
lover, Arabella Young."
As we continue we get seeds of Henry Britland's life at the moment. The questions from his pampered wife. We know
where we are and many circumstances of the person accused of the murder and more. We are invited to be in privy to
the lives of aristocratic indulgence.
Questions-oh yes, tons of questions.
Do you see a pattern here? When an author peaks your curiosity-when questions jump out in the mind of the
reader-the need to know grabs us on the author's hook and we are tethered for the journey.
Everything you read tries to snag you away from the myriad of other distractions with which you may be inundated.
Children's stories, if they're good are no exception, in fact they are a greater challenge for the writer - the good part is
the naturally inquisitive nature of the young.
Frances Hodgson Burnett, has a power, a magnificent grace with her words that draws the reader. The Little Princess
tugs you in and bets you to lose yourself in the adventures of a delightful little girl, but it all began earlier with The
Secret Garden. "When Mary Lennox was sent to Misselthwaite Manor to live with her uncle everybody said she was the
most disagreeable looking child ever seen"
Why, we want to know and how does one look disagreeable? Hodgson Burnett, continues and supplies those answers,
but then the reader wants to know why a child so young could, would be sent away and why she would be allowed to get
away with being such a disagreeable child - and why then was she sent to her uncle in the first place.
You Try: Now let's try one on our own.
"Life offers you a thousand choices and this is what you choose," Alexa said throwing her hands in the air in defeat.
(This is our first sentence for each - what follows in each category will be the second, and subsequent sentences)
--Does that pull you in? What questions do you want answered right away?
If we continue on we could turn this in to:
A. Comedy,
B. Mystery,
C. Romance,
or any genre you want to write.
Let's try:
A. (A Comedy) She bent down and retrieved the chicken suit. Slipping first one foot then the other into the
yellow and white costume, marabou feathers tickled her nose and breathed into her mouth with every breath.
"Hey, you wanted to cater children's parties, so you get to be the chicken," Cathe said giggling at Alexa's struggle with
the feathers and wings that wouldn't move like arms are supposed to.
"But I wasn't planning to be a billboard sign standing on the corner of Edenton's busiest street handing out flyers to
motorists who are paused at the stoplight. I feel like a nut."
Cathe cocked her head and raised an eyebrow, "and-" she said with a shrug.
(A Mystery)
B. Alexa bent over the body to feel for a pulse. The yellow chicken suit was smudged with mud, the feathers
matted with the dark red stain around the knife standing perpendicular to Garrison's chest. "I told you it was too
dangerous," she whispered. Her badge glinted in the sun that was swiftly sliding down the skyline. She reached for the
radio on her shoulder. "Officer down, in the alley at Wells and Gossamer," she spoke her voice uneven, detached from
the personal angst she was feeling.
C. (A Romance)
Alexa watched as Jerard drove his bucket of rusting Chevy into the driveway of the parking lot beside the building. He
had been her high school sweetheart before they went their separate ways. She to Harvard law school and he went to
the University of Minnesota on a football scholarship. They had stayed in touch all those years, there was no romance
left, and now he needed her. Alexa slid her hand across the leather embossed name plate on her desk. Becoming a full
partner in the prestigious law firm of Bacon, Taylor and Mercedes had been a hard won feather in her cap. Some
football player, turned rock singer just didn't fit in her plans at the moment. The intercom buzzed, "Jerard Klew here to
see you," the secretary's voice laced with derision and rudeness announced.
Jerard sauntered in and plopped the chicken suit on her desk. "Here it is, I want to sue the jerk," he said slamming his
body into the chair across from her desk sprawling his long legs wide, his arms bent and hung on the back of the chair.
Arrogant, crossed her mind as a description of his behavior as she felt the electricity of his gaze undoing her composure
as he always did.
Questions-Oh I'm sure you could come up with better beginnings than I've offered you. Don't stop with mine - do some of
your own.
Exercise
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
EXERCISES:
1. Pull five of your favorite books from you shelves or the local libraries shelves. Sit down and copy word for word,
the hook- the sentence, first paragraph or what ever you think provides the hook. Until you are teeming with questions
to ask the author - ask yourself what is it that is pulling you in to read more of this particular book?
2. Do this with at least five books to get the feel for it.
3. Then write your questions and read to see if they are answered and how long before the author answers
them-how did the author give them up. Were they all at once or sprinkled nearly through the whole book?
4. Now write five of your own hooks.
5. Then use one of them to write the first paragraph or page of a story, if you feel so inclined continue until you run
out of words to apply to that particular hook and then start again with the next.